johnlockanddestielatemysoul:

christianmakesjokes:

hello yes, I would like to purchase one night stand.

cAN WE ALL JUST PAUSE AND APPRECIATE THIS PUN

(via dutchster)

fallontonight:

- Jimmy Fallon’s Monologue; March 27, 2014

[ Part 1 / Part 2

Omg I’d make bank. 

giraffepoliceforce:

Unsure of how to confess your love to someone? Try this:

  1. Acquire several dozen limes.
  2. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
  3. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
  4. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
  5. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
  6. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, “Sorry. I’m bad at Pickup Limes.”
  7. Marry them.

(via dutchster)

sluttyoliveoil:

once my friend was waiting for her mom to pick her up and she called her mom and her mom said “im on my way, the traffic is just slow, im coming” and my friend went “mom i called the house phone”

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

nevver:

Early adopters
nevver:

Early adopters
nevver:

Early adopters
nevver:

Early adopters
thedesignwalker:

carpet upholstered stool by alexquisite

thedesignwalker:

carpet upholstered stool by alexquisite

(via monstereatsdesign)

whoredinarygirl:

i can’t even cut a strip off with scissors wtf

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

neutralmilkhovel:

mistiryshak:

accidentally opening a program that takes a long time to open so you have to wait twenty seconds to close it

image

image

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

shelbysbutt:

aanubis:

ungrammaticholiday:

yggdrasilly:

christmasblogger:

Penguin falls down resulting in best sound ever [x]

oh my god

NOOOOOOO

they all gasped like OHHH

IM CRYING IM PHYSICALLY CRYING HE FALLS AND THERE ALL LIKE WHAAAAWHOA U OK BRO AND HE GETS UP LIKE *SIGH* YEAH ITS FINE

Oh god, 1am brain finds this hilarious.

(via perks-of-being-chinese)